I recently talked to a friend of mine who has been celibate for over a year and lately she has been having a hard time with the reality of being alone and having to wait until God brings that special someone into her life. As we talked to each other I empathized with her because… well, I’m also celibate and have been for almost two years now so I understand many of the challenges that she is facing. Some of the challenges people face when they refrain from sexual relations include insecurity, loneliness, masturbation, guilt, and shame, among many other issues. On a more personal note there are times when I consider going back to my exes in exchange for intimacy and that feeling of contentment with having someone right there beside me even if it is just for a night. Of course, I come to my senses acknowledging the reality and consequences of those relationships which helps me refrain from sexual situation ships without a commitment.
The only advice I could give my friend was to read the bible more since we are Christians it is very important to know the word of God because there is insightful information concerning this topic in the word, as well as to start reading other people’s stories in order to gain more understanding to help her in her journey of celibacy. I recommended Juanita Bynum’s book titled “No More Sheets,” because she talks about her journey and the life lessons she learned as she went from one empty relationship to another, she also mentions how her marriage failed because she married for sex and not love. Additionally, Ms. Bynum also shares information concerning masturbation for those individuals who are having a hard time trying to stop self-gratifying. Another book I recommended was Jackie McCullough’s book titled “The Other Side of This,” this book is very informational as it explains how to overcome the issues an individual may be facing currently by using biblical examples that still relate to our modern-day issues. In addition, Ms. McCullough shares some personal information concerning trials and things she’s endured in her life.
There are many other books that have other insightful information, but these are two of the books that I have read so far. After listing these books, I continued to encourage my friend because I know she’s tired of waiting on God to bring that special someone into her life. We both learned that the man is to pursue the woman and take her as a wife if they both agree and there’s always that fear in the back of a woman’s mind concerning if she’s good enough or worthy to be someone’s wife. I also understood that she has given up everything in her pursuit to grow closer to God which requires letting go of unhealthy relationships among other things. Being celibate may not be deemed as the right choice for everyone but it is the right one if you live your life according to the word of God and if you want to establish a healthy relationship not just on sex but on intellect, character, love, and communication just to name a few attributes that many people look for in a good spouse.
It takes time to build a successful relationship let alone a marriage and one thing I’ve learned is that even in the courting phase of a new relationship the foundation should be rooted in God and has to be set with both individuals communicating information of past experiences as well as present and future expectations. I tried to be as encouraging as I could be because I needed her to continue being successful in her commitment especially since I have my moments of doubt and I think about her continuing and conquering despite all the temptations of exes trying to come back and all the other enticements that exists, let’s face it sex is advertised everywhere in society. There is a slogan that people in the entertainment industry use that says sex sells so we see sexual innuendos in advertisements, movies, we hear it in music, we see it in magazines, etc.…
Remaining celibate is a lot easier when we have a relationship with God because he is able to keep us when we depend on him. Additionally, while we wait, we are able to heal from any past hurt or pain, as well as we can weed out any counterfeits that come along and present themselves like the “one” but are really wolves in sheep’s clothing. We also can get to know ourselves while we wait and learn what we really want out of life, I’ve learned that it’s ok to spend time by myself and go enjoy a movie or dinner alone. I also retract and reflect on the lessons I’ve learned from previous relationships so that I can apply them in my future relationship. There’s a saying that when you know better you do better, and I’ve found this statement to be true. All in all, sex clouds our judgment and it keeps us from truly getting to know and connecting with our possible/ future companions.
Some benefits of remaining sexless until marriage include:
- No sexually transmitted diseases
- Closer relationship with God
- Focus on becoming stable financially, mentally, and emotionally
- Fall in love with the right person
- No heartbreak
These are only some benefits of remaining abstinent I’m sure there are more. I remain abstinent because I want to be closer to God and I also want a husband not just someone to fulfill my sexual needs from time to time and we never settle down, get married, or have children. I decided to write about this topic just in case anyone else out there is sexless in this sex crazed world and need encouragement. Don’t give up I’m holding on with you and yes, I believe that there is a special someone out there that God has just for you. One thing I must note that a friend of mine told me is that sometimes we may have to venture out of our geographical locations because you never know who may spot you, these things happen when you least expect it to. Remember to stay prayerful and God will see you through!